Hawkeye's Miniskirt Army
by KakeruTamaki
Summary: Mustang didn't realise that an offhand comment could bring his deepest dream to life! But too late did he discover that it was far from heaven, and not so far from hell!
1. Chapter 1

**I've been trying for so long to come up with a good FMA storyline! This one finally came to mind...enjoy!**

"HAVOC, FUERY, BREDA! I need you to go to the first library and bring me as much information on philosopher Komaki Take as humanly possible! If they ask any questions, tell them I sent you!"

"Yes sir!"

Colonel Roy Mustang leant back importantly in his comfortable chair and surveyed his miniature kingdom. Yes...Everything was running smoothly for once. With the Fullmetal brat out of the way, things went along much easier. Lieutenant Hawkeye was stood at the desk to the right of the Colonel, sorting through a vast pile of papers, no doubt being as efficient as usual.

"This is the life, Lieutenant! All the guys are working properly and not a problem in sight! This is indeed a man's army!" The Colonel clicked his fingers and lit a small flame to amuse himself while Hawkeye looked on.

"Yes, Colonel." She smiled to herself.

*

The piles of books were innumerable, thickly bound volumes, files three pages long, wait...was that a manga volume?! ... 'Nabari No Ou'? What was that doing in Central's files to be copied out? Sheska sighed. There were more books to be sifted through than she had anticipated. Suddenly a sharp tap at the door snapped her to her senses; she stood and called 'enter'. Through the door walked Hawkeye, she held a look of officialdom evident from the expression on her face.

"Ah! Lieutenant! How can I help you?!" Sheska could not deny that she admired Hawkeye for her steadfast determination, but also for her confidence.

"I have something I need you to do, Sheska, but it must be kept a secret from all male officers. Do you understand?" Hawkeye's solid gaze incited fear into Sheska, so she agreed.

"What do you need me to do?" She questioned.

"Not just you, I've asked Lieutenant Maria Ross to pass on the message to all female officers as well." What could she possibly be talking about..? Hawkeye walked over to Sheska and leant over her ear to whisper something.

"He said WHAT?!" Hawkeye nodded, and continued...

"Can you complete this mission?"

"Of course I can! I will do all I can to help! I will pass the message along to anyone concerned! Thank you for this opportunity to show my confidence, Lieutenant!" Sheska saluted, as Hawkeye thanked her and left smiling, saying;

"I have every confidence in you, Sheska-san!" As Hawkeye strode confidently down the corridor, pausing a brief moment to check that her blond hair was still pinned up neatly, she thought to herself... 'A man's army, huh? We'll see about that...'

*

Roy Mustang woke up bright an early that morning, stretched his hands above his head, washed and dressed for the busy day's work that sat ahead of him. His desk would not doubt be littered with paperwork. He left his apartment, snapping the door shut behind him and walked to central's head office in the sunshine. As he neared the building and both citizens and military members became more numerous, a glorious feeling filled his heart...What was this?!

"Hold on a second!" Mustang grinned maliciously. "My dream has come true!" All around him, every female member of the military was wearing...MINISKIRTS! He put his hands on his hips and laughed aloud to himself. "TODAY SHALL BE A GLORIOUS DAY!" ...suddenly a picture crossed his mind...Lieutenant Hawkeye...hmm...?

*

Sergeant Brosh rushed around the corridors...

"Has anyone seen Lieutenant Ross?!" He asked urgently. Everyone was ignoring him...WHY?!

"Hey! Brosh!" It was Havoc. "Why're you looking for Ross?" He asked, moving forward but at the same time looking around him, also noticing the vast number of colleagues who were ignoring those near them...

"The Elric brothers are back in central tomorrow and we have to meet them off the train again! I just wanted to notify her."

"Oh." Havoc paused. "Is it me or is no one talking to each other?"

"Yeah...It's wierd..." Both Sergeant and Lieutenant looked around them for some sort of clue... "...Is it me or...are all the female officers ignoring the male ones?" Brosh asked uncertainly.

"And is it me or...are all the male officers ignoring everything _but_ the female one's......legs?" Havoc guessed out loud.

"But why aren't we affected by this miniskirt parade!" Brosh called out, confused.

"It is simple my friend! BECAUSE WE ARE BREAST LOVING MEN! No seductive legs can get the better of us!" Brosh flushed scarlet.

"But I don't understand...why are they doing this?!" He asked awkwardly.

"I have no idea!" Havoc called importantly "But we should notify the Colonel immediately!" He grinned to himself and lit a cigarette with a flick of his lighter. "I wanna see his goofy face, after all...He's a thigh man!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the characters! For those of you who are interested, Roy's song is in the back of vol. 12 of the Manga, I thought it was fitting so used it to start the chapter...Enjoy!**

"Snap snap, snap snap my fingers

Snap snap, snap snap my fingers

Who's the man that's gonna be president of all the land?

The Flame alchemist!

My dream is to have a miniskirt harem.

Who's that hot dude, standing in front of a mirror, snapping his fingers?

Striking a pose?

Uh-huh that's me, the Flame alchemist!

I'm gonna light your heart on fire baby (sizzle)

My heart is a raging inferno, oh yeah (disco inferno!)

And tonight baby, it's burning hotter than ever (like a flamethrower!)

Snap, crackle, pop baby. It's my burning love (Oh yeah!)

My love's gone and burned up all the oxygen in the room. (Thermodynamics!)

This one goes out to you, the girl in the mirage. (An illusion baby!)

You know who I am?

I'm Roy Mustang (Then that's alright!)

I'm a colonel baby.

And this colonel's about to pop! (You mean "Kernel"?)

You like breasts huh? Well I'm a thigh man!

Well forget about it!"

"Dare we disturb him, Lieutenant?" Sergeant Brosh and Lieutenant Havoc were peering around the door of Mustang's office and were startled to say the least when they found him not only jumping on his desk, but singing a rather catchy tune, apparently made up on the spot. Havoc tried with all his might to suppress a grin. Tried, but failed. This was the happiest he'd ever seen his superior and it was pretty amusing to watch.

"Yeah, I guess he's gotta snap out of it at some point." Havoc cleared his throat loudly behind the door. Mustang's singing stopped. There was a small clatter, and silence. Havoc knocked twice.

"Come in." The booming voice of the colonel said from the other side.

"Good morning sir." Havoc walked in to find Roy sat neatly behind his desk, pile of papers in front of him, pen in hand. He may not get much work done, but he sure was quick, Havoc would allow him that. "There seems to be a few communication problems floating around, sir."

"Do we know the cause yet, Second lieutenant?" Mustang asked importantly.

"Yes sir. The women's legs sir."

"I see." The colonel nodded as if he had suspected such, and as if it was a perfectly normal situation that needed dealing with quickly. "Well, I don't see how there's anything we can do. Good day gentlemen!" Brosh and Havoc looked on in shock. He wasn't going to do anything?!

"But sir! The only people getting any work done are the women! The men are all lolling about looking at...err...up...well...How do I put this?" Brosh flushed, looking at his superior for help.

"I'm as happy as you are to see the ladies realising their full potential, sir. But we can't let them do all this work alone." Havoc grinned. Although he preferred the chest area, he wasn't going to complain directly about a bunch of miniskirts.

"Hmm. I'll ask Lt. Hawkeye what she thinks when she gets here. You haven't seen her have you? She was supposed to be here half an hour ago. If anyone can sort out the female staff, it's her."

"You...haven't seen Hawkeye this morning sir?" Brosh gulped, wondering whether he should have said anything at all.

"No. Why?" The colonel asked suspiciously.

"Well, maybe you should go to the mess hall, sir." Havoc had seen too. The colonel eyes his two men curiously. What did they know that he didn't?

"Enough! Havoc, Brosh! You will accompany me to the mess hall immediately!"

"YES SIR!" The two sprung to attention and followed Mustang from the room.

It took them two hours, thirty seven minutes and forty six seconds to walk down to the mess hall.

"I just want to check Lt. Hawkeye's not in this office." Mustang would say, emerging from it ten minutes later with a fresh nosebleed. "And what about the research files office? I wonder how Sheska's doing..?"

"Is he perving on _every_ woman in this army?" Brosh asked Havoc, losing more and more respect for Mustang the longer it took him to carry on walking. Finally, they reached the mess hall. It was packed with officers. Leaflets lay strewn atop all the tables, Mustang picked one up, curiosity getting the better of him.

" 'It's a woman's army'...?" He read aloud. " ' Don't stand for the men taking all the good careers, if you want to move up the ranks, roll up your stockings!'...What is this crap?" Havoc shrugged.

"Female propaganda, sir?"

" 'Too long have we waited for promotions! Its time they pay up in money, or blood!' So they want a pay rise? This is hardly the way to achieve such a thing!" Mustang was beside himself with laughter. "But if we promote them, they'll go back to wearing trousers like the rest of us! Not a chance!" He chuckled. "Nope. I quite like the way things are." He smiled viciously. "Ladies, do your worst!"

**Please leave me a review, good or bad I'm not fussy! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

Hawkeye raised her arms about her head and yawned, luckily there was no one around to see. She didn't want her professional reputation to be stained. She had been up half the night writing those leaflets and taken a great deal into consideration like who would read it and more specifically; what the colonel's reaction would be. If she was perfectly honest, the colonel had practically written it himself, although admittedly, Hawkeye had changed 'men' to 'women' throughout its entirety.

But this was not the only thing that was making Hawkeye tired. She had spent the time last night she had not used writing the leaflet on making a miniskirt. Her sewing skills left much to be desired but as she didn't have a short enough skirt to carry out her own plan, she'd decided to take up a skirt she already owned.

Hawkeye looked around the room. It was most unusual for the colonel not to be in his office at this time of day, perhaps he had taken it upon himself to wander about. Sightseeing, so to speak. The lieutenant flicked through the piles of papers on the colonels desk, working out which ones she could fill in for him and which needed his signature. She separated them out and began to work at a steady pace.

*

"You there!"

"YES COLONEL!"

"Have you seen second lieutenant Hawkeye anywhere?!" Mustang questioned half the men in the mess hall before he got a decent answer that wasn't a gurgle from a sergeant paying more attention to his female co-workers slender legs.

"Yes sir! I saw her leave here about an hour ago, sir!"

"Damn!" He cursed under his breath. "We must've missed her as we came down. Darn it, Havoc!" Havoc was suddenly brought back to the here and now at his superior's voice and dragged his eyes reluctantly from a table of giggling female duty officers. "We should have been quicker getting down here and now we've missed her! She's the only one who can sort this out."

"To be honest, sir, it was you who took so long checking every single room on our way here and I thought you didn't _want_ to sort this out."

"Are you questioning my authority, Havoc?!"

"No sir."

"Good!" Mustang barked. "Do you know what's wrong with this situation, Havoc?!"

"No sir?"

"The problem is this; this army has a ratio of ten men to every two women. If these women are the only ones doing the work then our paperwork outturn becomes eighty percent less effective than usual! If the men can't concentrate, they get no work done! This is completely unacceptable! Either the men need to close their eyes to the women around them or the women need to be controlled! WE MUST FIND SECOND LIEUTENNANT HAWKEYE! She is our last hope! Onwards men!" The colonel turned on his heel and marched smartly from the mess hall.

*

Hawkeye could hear footsteps coming down the hall. It was now or never. She wandered round to the front of Mustang's desk and leant over it to survey the remaining paperwork. The door to the office swung open revealing the colonel and Havoc, stood tentatively in the doorway.

"Colonel!" Hawkeye turned and sprang to attention. The colonel flushed crimson as he took in her attire.

"Lieutenant! Please try to explain the appalling behaviour from so many officers today!" Mustang commanded. Hawkeye found it hard to suppress a grin.

"Yes sir. It appears that many male officers are not doing their duties today because of an unexplored infatuation with the women's displayed legs, sir!" Mustang looked taken aback.

"Not the men, Hawkeye! The women! Why are they all wearing...wearing non-regulation uniform!"

"I think you'll find that it is regulation, sir." Hawkeye replied quickly. "Section eight, paragraph eighty two of the officer's guide states that any female army member is permitted to wear a skirt when in a position unrelated to combat, sir."

"Hmm." So Hawkeye was playing along too, huh? He'd get to the bottom of this. He'd discover why all the women were so confident all of a sudden or his name wasn't Roy Mustang!


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's been so long since an update! Please enjoy chapter 4!**

Hawkeye lifted herself onto Mustang's desk and cross her legs. She put her hands either side of her and tilted her head to one side. How long would she have to pretend that she didn't realise what she was doing? Surely the colonel wasn't dense enough to not have realised that she was behind this? On no occasion would she join a coup or silly rebellion unless the colonel ordered her to, and with good reason. But this time it was personal. He must understand that at least.

"I've filled in all of your paperwork, sir." She said placidly. "The only ones left to do are the ones that require your signature." She took in his expression. From the blank look and the direction his eyes were gazing, she could tell that he hadn't heard a word.

"Sir?" She uncrossed her legs and hopped to the floor.

"Yes, lieutenant?!" Mustang snapped back to reality.

"What would you like me to do with the other pieces of paperwork?"

"Just leave them on my desk, Hawkeye." The colonel huffed. He fixed his eyes on the ground and wandered over to sit at his desk. He looked up to find Havoc still stood tentatively at the doorway. He glanced over at Hawkeye who was busy with papers then, as if he thought he was being naughty while his mother's back was turned, scuttled over to ask Havoc what he was doing.

"Why are you standing in the door like a buffoon?!" Mustang whispered angrily.

"I don't want to look, sir!"

"Look at what, Havoc?!"

"Hawkeye's leg's sir! It's just wrong! She's one of my best comrades and I've never really thought of her as a woman, sir!" Havoc's eyes were fixed on the floor. Mustang did not understand at all.

"What's wrong with you, man?!" He growled under his breath. "This is a once in a lifetime chance! We may never get an opportunity this good again! Especially not if the men carry on lounging about and not doing their duties! We may have to ban mini-skirts, Havoc!" Mustang whispered passionately.

"No!" Havoc breathed in disbelief.

"YES!" Mustang nodded gravely.

"Then by all means, sir! I shall humbly partake in watching Hawkeye work! Cigarette?"

"I wouldn't normally Havoc, but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures." Mustang and Havoc lit their cigarettes and boldly re-entered the colonel's office. They were in for an interesting afternoon.

*

"Hey Ed! Wake up! We're here!" Ed's eyes snapped open at the sound of his younger brother's voice. They'd managed to catch a train a day early which meant that their research would be completed even quicker. Plus, if central military didn't know they were there yet they could relax a little before they were guarded from anything and everything.

The Elric brothers meandered off the emerald green steam engine and along the train platform, into the bright central sunshine.

"It's a nice day, huh Al? It almost seems a shame to waste the sunshine on a stuffy day in the library." Ed stretched his arms above his head, his brain was still full of sleep.

"Maybe we should go for a walk before we settle down and study." Al suggested. "We have been travelling a while."

"Yeah, perhaps you're right." The small, red coated alchemist tapped his brother affectionately on his hollow metal arm. "We could do with some sightseeing! Where do you wanna head off to first?"

"I don't know, we've never really looked around central properly. We always have something urgent to do, or people we have to meet." Al shrugged.

"Or crazed evil psychopaths to fight." Ed finished. "Ah, well. Maybe we should just head of to see the colonel. He'll be glad we're here a day early even if it is just so he can irritate me for an extra twenty four hours." The Elric brothers began their quick walk to central military headquarters. Perhaps, just perhaps, if they'd realised what was going on within the military, what horrors were at work. Maybe they'd have decided to keep a low profile until the next day. But this was not the case.

**Please review! x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it's been so long since I updated...Exams, six months of work, a trip to Japan (where I'm writing this from)...yeah...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! Has everyone read the final FMA chapter? OMG! So beautiful! It annoys me how they didn't really explain Hawkeye's tattoo ****in detail though...ah well! Please enjoy chapter 5! **

"LUUUUUNNNNNCCCCHHHHH TIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" The colonel sang from his desk, stretching his arms around his head.

"But, colonel, you haven't done any work all morning!" Havoc muttered across the room from where he sat at his own desk.

"Quiet Havoc!" Mustang hissed. "We have to sneak out under the pretence of going to lunch or Hawkeye will catch us with her 'I'm just walking across the room, honest' attack!"

"Say what?" Havoc leant over his papers in confusion.

"If we leave before the lieutenant gets back we won't be bewitched into staring at her instead of working!" Mustang growled, slamming his fist on the desk.

"Excellent plan, sir!" Havoc fumbled for his jacket and the pair of them stood, ready to rush for the exit. However, their passage was blocked by a shrimp in a bright red coat.

"Hey Colonel, committed any perverted acts lately or are you just concentrating on continuing your string of uselessness?" Edward smirked up at Mustang. He was standing in the doorway, grinning with satisfaction at his own quirky comment with no idea how close his guess had been. Al tottered nervously behind him, wondering if this time, his hot-tempered brother had gone too far.

"Fullmetal!" Roy bellowed, about to scold him for insulting a superior officer but a sudden thought crossed his mind...

The Colonel was rather enjoying the miniskirt parade but knew it had to end...but how? He certainly couldn't do it himself. No, he didn't have the self control to stop the absurdity! He was too enthralled by it! But...if the Fullmetal brat could work out what was going on behind the scenes, perhaps they could end this peacefully...yes...Edward always had been good at sneaking around where he's not supposed to. The answer to their problem had walked willingly through the door!

"Fullmetal," Mustang said again, this time more thoughtfully, "I will overlook your insult for the moment. I have a mission for you, and it's very important!" Edward looked up at the colonel, one eyebrow raised cynically.

"Alright, let's hear it," he scowled, not expecting it to be anything short of several hours' research in the second branch of the military library.

"Did you notice anything odd, walking into the military H.Q today?" Mustang asked mysteriously.

"Not particularly..." Edward replied, unsure whether he ought to have noticed something. "What about you, Al?"

"I don't think so," Al replied simply. "Nothing out of the ordinary, anyway," Havoc , who had been standing silently beside the colonel, let out a hacking cough.

"Nothing? You guys have noticed nothing? I thought you were supposed to be hot-blooded teenage boys!" he turned weakly to Mustang, "It's so unfair! I wish I could go around with my eyes closed to the wonders of the world like they do, but I just can't! Puberty came so early for me! I was eight for freaks' sake! Eight, Colonel!"

"Control your hormones Havoc! You're not a teenager anymore!" Mustang snapped in frustration.

"What the hell are the two of you talking about?" Edward asked, glancing between both of the 'adults'.

"Come to lunch with us Fullmetal, you too Alphonse. We'll explain _everything_," Mustang replied gravely, and let the brothers off on a rather amusing mission briefing...

Maria Ross wasn't usually the type of person to participate in this kind of thing, but Hawkeye's steadfast determination had coaxed her into it. Sergeant Ross stood in front of the women's bathroom mirror, looking at her reflection doubtfully. She just didn't have the figure to pull this off. It was already for insanely slender Sheska, or Hawkeye with her brilliant curves...but Maria just felt...frumpy.

"Lieutenant, I'm not sure I can go out looking like this," she told Riza half-heartedly.

"What's the problem? You brought the skirt, just wear it. You look fine," Hawkeye told her monotonously. "You're not worried about Brosh making fun of you, are you?" the lieutenant asked pertinently. Maria flushed crimson.

"I hadn't been thinking about it until you just said it!" she growled, not disrespectfully. "I'm going to be a laughing stock!" she moaned, placing her hands on the sink and bowing her head with humiliation.

"Don't worry so much," Hawkeye said comfortingly, "It's not going to be for long. And besides, If anyone laughs at you, I'll shoot them," the lieutenant said this with such seriousness that Ross was afraid that she meant every word.

"I'm sure that won't be necessary," Ross cringed.

"Good, well. Break time is over, let's go and chide the colonel into getting some work done. His facial expressions today are most amusing when he attempts to concentrate," Maria followed the confident lieutenant from the restroom, looking around her nervously.

"So, Lt. Hawkeye, why is it only yourself, me and Sheska you've permitted to actually talk to the male members of staff today?" she asked timidly; Hawkeye was still a dominating figure, even when lightly clad.

"I would have thought it was obvious," she replied tonelessly, "Sheska concentrates so hard on work she won't talk enough for the male staff to get any coherent answers from her, yourself because I trust you to act normal even when faced with abnormal surroundings and myself..."

"Yes?"

"Well, I'm the only one who can make the colonel change his mind. 'Man's Army' eh? We'll see, sir. We'll see,"...

**To be continued!**

**Please review! Even if you think it was crappy! Constructive criticism is gooood! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Ah! Sorry! In chapter 5 I said that Maria Ross was a Sergeant...oops. Sorry about that! She's actually a lieutenant...ah well. Please forgive my clumsiness! Please enjoy the chapter!**

A free lunch can get anyone to agree to anything! Mustang thought happily as he offered cheerily to pay for Edward's food, Ed eyed him suspiciously but shrugged the weirdness off. He might as well make the most of this, normally, Mustang was a tightwad.

Young guys live for their stomachs! Roy thought to himself. Food means everything to teenage boys! This will surely get him to join the male officers' side in this battle of the sexes...

"Get bent, Colonel! I'm not poking around trying to find out why the women are rebelling! Control your own damn workforce!" Edward snapped bluntly.

"No one said anything about poking around!" Mustang growled back, "Fullmetal, you're the only one who can get away with this, the women have nothing against _you_. You're the 'cute little boy-genius alchemist' from the country who everyone finds charming,"

"Say what? Did he just say 'little'?" Ed turned asked Al suspiciously. "Tell me you didn't just say 'little'!" he roared at the colonel. Roy's temple began to twitch in frustration.

"Edward! We need your co-operation on this, or we'll never get any work done!" he said in exasperation.

"I can't cooperate unless you tell me exactly how they're rebelling, can I?" Ed grumbled, taking a massive bite out of a chicken drumstick. Mustang's eyes widened. Had he really not noticed? It had been obvious to him from almost the second he stepped out of his apartment building that something odd, yet beautiful, frustrating, yet magical was happening in the world today! He moved his gaze from the oblivious Elric to the younger one who was sat awkwardly at his side.

"What about you Alphonse? Are you sure you haven't noticed?" Mustang asked with a furrowed brow.

"Ah, well..." it may have been the colonel's imagination, but Al's helmet seemed to tinge pink momentarily, "...their uniform is, err, different," he replied, embarrassment evident in his tone. Havoc, who had been sitting beside the colonel reached over and tapped Al on the shoulder comfortingly.

"Oh, Al. You've grown up faster than your brother," he smiled wistfully while Mustang smirked knowingly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ed asked impatiently.

"Look at the female officers, brother. Can't you see any difference in their uniform?" Al mumbled.

"The skirts look a little shorter than usual," Ed shrugged, "So what?"

"So what?" Mustang and Havoc yelled simultaneously. "How can you say that?" Mustang continued, "Miniskirts are the foundation of my idealistic world! They form the bedrock of every sane man's romantic fantasy and are of parallel importance if I'm ever going to get my miniskirt harem!" he bellowed this so loudly that the other officers seated at the tables around them started to stare. He coughed to clear his throat, smiled innocently and carried on; in a whisper only those at his table could hear. "The point is, young Elric, that miniskirts are very important!"

"Why do you want to get rid of them, then?" Ed asked incredulously.

"They're distracting all the men! Our workload is piling up and the women are the only ones getting anything done! We need your help to find out what this vendetta is for! Help us young Fullmetal! You're our only hope!"

"Geez, all this fuss over some freaking skirts. Winry wears one all the time and you don't see me getting distracted over it," Havoc's and Mustang's eyebrows shot up, Al chuckled and Edward flushed crimson. "What I mean is!" he choked, "They're still the same people no matter what they wear! Get over yourselves and tell the men to get on with their work instead of lounging about like couch-potatoes. The women are doing their share so shut up and do the same. If you can't get over this by yourself, you're just weak," Edward finished passionately. "Come on, Al. Let's get on with that research," Ed drew himself away from the table, dragging Al along with him, determined not to get involved with the colonel's stupid life when mutterings reached his ears.

"Did you hear about that new bio-alchemy Havoc? The one that can change your appearance?" Mustang said casually.

"Which one would that be, sir?"

"Well, they say it can make you more handsome, more robust...even _taller_..." Roy put extra emphasis on the last word and waited for a response. Edward had stopped in his tracks, his mind whirring at a thousand miles a minute.

He's messing with me, Ed thought. There's no way that such a bio-alchemy could possibly exist. No freaking way...right?

"Brother, did you hear that?" Al whispered excitedly.

"I heard," Ed replied thoughtfully. "He's just taking the crap, Al. Let's go..." he began to stalk away again when he heard something else...

"It's a shame only state alchemists are allowed to go to the researcher for a free trial," Havoc sighed, perhaps a little too obviously.

"Yes, and they need my recommendation. After all, Doctor Simmons is a close friend of the family," Mustang's voice was raised slightly higher. Ed must be hearing all this, surely?

With a blur of red and black, the angsty kid came rushing back and pounded his fist on the table.

"I swear right now, Colonel! If you're Bull-crapping me, I'm gonna transmute your flame-assisting-rubbish-alchemy-concocting gloves into the noose you're gonna hang from," Ed snarled.

"Do we have a deal after all, Fullmetal?" the colonel asked, smirking. He'd won and Edward knew it.

"Deal," Ed slammed his fist on the table once more for good measure and stormed off, wondering where to start, Al was clanking along behind him somewhat amused. He couldn't believe his brother was so easily swayed...

**Please review!**


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